I cannot help but notice lately the number of people who have begun to remark on how “well” I seem, and how it’s so great to see me looking so much happier again.  I won’t lie, I am beginning to find a piece of my happy again.  Dare I say, I’m even beginning to look forward to things again; to be able to plan more than a few days ahead, without those plans filling me with insurmountable angst.  Who will be there? Have I seen them since Teddy died?  Do they even know?  Will they be weird with me?  Please, PLEASE, not the sympathetic head tilt.  Yes, welcome to my inner dialogue.

I often get asked where I get ideas from for our home.  “Where did you find that?” or “What made you think to do that?”  I’ll be honest, I had never really thought about it before?  Where do I get ideas from?  I make no secret of the fact that I love swooning over other people’s home photos on Instagram (@rvk_loves  I’m looking at you!) and I love home blogs in equal measure.   I have long been a fan of Rock My Style even before I wrote pieces for them.  There is so much inspiration out there; we are so lucky to live in an age where it is quite literally in front of us on a screen at the click of a button.  For me though, the internet was the obvious answer to this question; but when I really thought about it, there were so many other places I use to inspire me.  To list just a few……

A letter written to our darling Teddy, the day after his funeral service.  Wednesday 15th June 2016.

Dear Teddy,

Yesterday was as heart breaking as I had been expecting.  I feel numb.  These past four weeks have moved in slow motion as we have built up to saying our final goodbye.  The vicar was so lovely; he said so many things that made so much sense to me.  “Grief does not last forever, but love does.”  I think those words will stay with me forever; and I certainly hope that this feeling does not.  I know that our love for you will, all of our love.

By this I mean; running out of sh*t to do in this house.  I feel like I have painted (and re-painted) almost everything in the house.  I have cushions for my cushions to sit on.  I am forever doing the “little things” that are just slowly starting to irritate me.  I mean; is it possible to actually run out of stuff to do? (Please, don’t answer that)