Many of you who follow me on Instagram will know that the last few weekends have been dedicated to a garden clean up. It wasn’t that it was specifically bad, I just wasn’t feeling it. I’ve found the more time I’ve spent at home since not returning to work; the more time I have to let stuff that wouldn’t ordinarily bother me, bother me. Once I notice something, or it gets under my skin, that’s it; there’s no hope for it. This is a habit that gets increasingly boring for my husband, of that I’m sure!

Don’t be deceived by the title of this one; it’s not fun.  Well, by that I mean it’s not as fun as it should be, but I guess a lot of things aren’t “as they should be” this year.  I’m referring to Teddy’s first birthday; it’s hurtling towards us at a pace I never imagined.  How is it nearly a year? Where has the time gone?  I know all new Mums say that; usually as they watch their tiny babes growing into toddlers.  What about the rest of us?  What about the Mums who can’t believe that time is flying past and we are leaving our little ones, the moment they were here, further and further behind?

Trust me when I say the last thing anyone who has lost a child ever wants you to say is “I understand how you feel” or “I can kind of relate because…”

That’s not me being rude, ungrateful or unkind to anyone; it is purely a fact, and one that I know to be true having spoken to so many of my friends who have also lost their babies or children.  I know that everything in our human nature tells us we should try to understand, like we try to do in so many situations; but you really, truly can’t.  Do you know something? I wouldn’t even want you to.  I wouldn’t wish this pain, this strange reality that is life after child loss upon anyone.

I have been talking about decorating our sitting room since we moved in (Yes, I know that was over two years ago!), but I hadn’t quite got around to it yet.  We decorated (I say “we”, I definitely mean my husband) our bedroom before Christmas and used Farrow & Ball’s “Wevet”.  It instantly changed the light and feel in the room, so I knew it was the right shade for the sitting room too.  I can never quite get over how dark some parts of this house are; it’s facing the wrong way and I just think some Victorian houses have a tendency to feel a bit dingy sometimes.  With that in mind, I was sold on Wevet.