From a little girl I always knew I wanted to be a mum.  After two COVID cancelled wedding dates, we decided to start trying for a baby in 2021 and found out we were expecting in April.  The next few months went by smoothly; no sickness, baby growing well, normal blood pressure and we had a gender reveal party in mum’s garden.

I love to be organised, so by the time we were about 24 weeks we had almost everything we needed, even all the little bits like bath toys and baby wash. I look back now and can’t believe how naive I was. The only things we hadn’t bought were the big things, but they were all picked out ready to order. We were booked into NCT classes and a baby first aid course.

As I begin to type our story, Zara’s story; there is still an overwhelming fear of judgement. And yet we know we made the right decision for us, for our family but most importantly for Zara. We never wanted her to feel pain, to suffer or live a limited life. I want to share Zara’s story because although I have found the baby-loss community hugely supportive, TFMR is still a taboo within a taboo.

In some ways the 14 January 2009 feels like it was a lifetime ago now, but when I think back it could be yesterday that I heard the words “I’m very sorry, your baby’s condition isn’t compatible with life.” I was 23 weeks pregnant with my first, much longed for child, and listened in deafening silence as my consultant explained his condition and helped me to understand a medical termination.